your parents love me but you hate me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
