Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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