i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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