pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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