Jerry, you need to find god
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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