There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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