She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
