new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
