FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
