That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
