My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
