I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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