he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
