I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
