I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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