Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
