He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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