Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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