Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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