The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
