oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
