thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
