How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
