Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
