Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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