pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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