now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
