ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
