How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
