Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
