I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
