Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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