Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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