how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
