i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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