she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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