my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
where are my eyebrows?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
