i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
