I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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