at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
