Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
