It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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