it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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