you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
