I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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