I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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