i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
