DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
