I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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