so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
