Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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