I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
