i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
