I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i barfeds in our rink
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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