dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just high enough for therapy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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