Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But theres a keg here and me gusta
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
