captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
