You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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