I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
