Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
