I wish I could teleport
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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