please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
