can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
