Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
