Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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