Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
