I am spending my child support on dildos
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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