Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
