So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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