You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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