You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
