Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
