How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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