so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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