You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize