i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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