i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We had to coat check the pizza.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
