First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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