beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
